match sticks

After much deliberation as to how to go about doing y new project, i have finally latched onto a multitude of ideas.

I have for much time wanted to use my Grandmother as a focal point.

I'm passionate about all that she does for me, and i feel that she plays such a significant role in my life but could never completely realize the extent of this.

She's always been the quieter one of the family which is often perceived wrongly as her being uninterested. I think though really, and my auntie has said so herself that she is in fact incredibly shy. She doesn't seem to have the highest self esteem, as she rarely speaks of herself in terms of what she has done, her interests etc. I find this all the more endearing as it makes me want to know more about her and subtly place her in the spotlight for a change.

I wanted for much time to express my gratitude towards her, but letters and words just don't seem enough. After letting all that time pass it came naturally to me that i should use art as a means of thanks.

And this project is perfect.

However after deciding this i also found out that my grandad has been ill with his back recently. It worries me to know this and i suddenly felt that i should use him in the project too, as he has done so much to me and i do of course love him dearly. My focus on him will be interesting as i decide whether to place him and my grandmother in a completely equal light.

In choosing to use them both as my subjects / my muses, this has brought me to the concept of my fear of my loss of them.

Much of what this project means to me is an ideal of never having to let go, and in my denial to ever have to i will capture and recreate the 'essence' of them through related object and memory.

I'm interested in the interplay between the person and personal objects. The collation of personal possessions when loss comes about allows us to be comforted in some way, thus it feeling as though that person has never left, they never have to truely let go as part of them remains, in the surroundings.

You do in a way recreate them, an imitation of them. It's silly really because ideas of personality and soul can never carry on visably existing but this is just what our human emotion needs to get through the hard times. And we are clever in choosing what we keep, so that the memory isn't entirely sincere and honest. We choose how we will from now on perceive those people, in a perfect, nostalgic light.

I want to do that with my grandparents, place them into the light of happy nostalgia, as i use this work to way of showing my gratitude, and acknowledging sides to them that they may modestly not realize exist [more specifically to my grandma on that one!]

I want in some way to touch some of part of them through this work and allow them to REALLY see how much i know i am lucky to have them. This is in a way the true task at hand, could they ever know?

A sub plot to my story is that this project also acts as a way of reconnecting with them, bridging the divides that occur through me growing up and no longer being their little girl. With such things as generation gap causing automatic divide in some way, i will seek to bridge the gap and reconnect with my grandparents. In this way this is the physical gestural part of the work in which i am able to really do something beneficial that could make them happy.

But the emphasis is really on the memory idea.

I'm really excited. After i had an amazing tutorial with our visiting artist Sarah taylor, she was so supportive towards my concepts it's only driven me further into wanting to do this.
yes it is very sentimental and could be dangerous in it's nostalgia but i will be careful in how i approach the work. What i find inspiring is the idea of this not being about me. I am in charge and i do pop up at points but it's about the effect on someone else, truly unselfish work....for once!!!!!
I am going to use the opportunity of materiality as project to it's full advantage as i want to experiment with all forms of media, to be playful, because that is how we express emotion through honest natural behaviour, if i forced myself to use certain things the work would lack sincerity. Sincerity is a MUST!

That is all for now.

I've had a Nytol and am practically using matchsticks to keep my eyes open to type this. So i shall post more blab tomorrow and cannot wait to do so.