Thursday 28 January 2010

Dear Blog

Moving on from yesterday's ideas and points.

After having a tutorial with Sarah Taylor on Wednesday i felt that it was imperative to consider HOW i can reference the essence of my grandparents without being too nostalgic and it merely being about recreation of memory.

Sarah was incredible as a tutor, i wish we had her all the time. She manages to build a natural rappor with students making me feel at ease. She wasn't a tutor, someone on a power trip, knowing their the higherarchy above you, she was a fellow artist, who empathized with my struggle. She seemed excited by my ideas, which empassioned me further and this excitement seemed real. i haven't really felt that from any tutors before, they seem to 'like' my work but it never makes me feel as though i'm heading in a good direction. When i came out of that tutorial i was buzzing louder than any bumble bee. Sarah ciompletely backed up my thoughts whilst still remaining honest and being blunt in her ideas.

What i recieved from it was help in knowing where to step next.

Whilst sticking postcards on my wall i was thinking how lovely it is to recieve a postcard. It's a one off gesture, a rare occasion, when someone goes out of thier way to reach you, and make you smile with news of their happenings. This got me to thinking about how to re-connect with grandparents, i remembered how often we used to write to eachother. I still receieve their letters every fortnight but never reply, and i know how much it would make them smile to suddenly start receiving mail.

The true essence of communication has been lost through technology. WE no longer write to each other, we email, use facebook, text messages, even phone calls.
Writing in itself is an art form, letters can be so beautiful, hundreds of years ago, communication with someone who was distanced from you physically was far from easy, it took effort to make the letter, to send it and recieve it. This in itself showed how important the communication was, how much it was needed, people were careful with their words, they didn't speak for the sake of it.

There was time to contemplate what it was that needed to be said without any words being wasted like we would on the phone.

Anyway, i want to write to my grandparents again. I have been considering this in the postcard form as it's more gift like, as well as it giving the opportunity to give them images of my own life.

I know they are interested in what i do, where i do it, how i live and as much as i do describe, it would make them happy to see it. To be able to see these things would give them a further insight and understanding of my persona, thus reconnecting us. In terms of my own reconnection with THEM, that will come through the act of the project itself. Through doing. By seeking objects i will ask them questions, get to know them further know how stories came to exist, but i will be asking set questions too.

Some things that one my consider as day to day facts about my grandparents i don't know about mine. I don't know thier favourite colours, smells, tastes, barely anything sensual or emotional, only straight forward facts and stories, it feel strange to be so close to people and know so little. I only know them in the context of family and myself, not as individuals, i want to know their individual identities.

Today we had a lecture with Martin Parr, hmmmmm delightful. He hit a nerve and as much as it put me in a sense of fear it was for the best.
He said we must literally become obsessed with what we do, for the one's who are successful are the ones who are obsessed and will lose all personal time for their work.
I said about this to my friend after wards and he himself said the best work he's seen me make is when i've been most obsessive. I feel i can really be like that in this project, be obsessed with my subject matter because it interests me. Similarly Parr stated that it is our duty to express ourselves through the work, to show what it is that we feel most connected to, in which case here i am connected. Other projects i may have enjoyed but rarely have i been connected enough.

And finally he said work harder than you are working now.
That really wouldn't take much effort. I know it's obvious but, no-one who goes about art, photography, design, medicine, law, maths, anything in fact but in particular art; can become successful if they go about it in a half arsed manner, the way that i have been.

This is by no means as dedicated as i can be and that is scary. It scares me because i realise how apathetic i have been and how much i need to get rid of this disease. I love being with friends and the experiences of university, but that is NOT why i am here. these are short terms fufilments, in the long run to get what i want i have to lose the sociable nature.
The people on my course are nice enough but some of them seriously don't seem to be fussed at all and this is just like a hobby that they get up and do when they feel like.
I feel as though i've become like that, but i know i wasn't always like that, there was a time not that long ago when i worked and slept and that's it, and i loved it. I need to reignite this passion. I literally refuse to be part of the 95% that fail at this. I wanted this for so long. Seriously i need to get a grip. It's not like a degree where i can work a reasonable amount and still get a job, i'm going to have to show that i really mean it.

Now i'm just passionately rambling. I just really hope i can do this. Other people are and suddenly i feel competitive. Bugger them getting what they want, i want it.

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